I Am Someone Beyond My Abuse — I Matter
I am a Trans man (born female biologically) and I would like to let people know sex crimes/sex offenders do not care who you are or what gender you are. They care only to hurt for their gain.
I am using a fake name for my safety as one of my sex abusers is a family member. My abuse started at age 4, then by age 12 a doctor raped me while drugged and tied down in the hospital. I was raped by four men in total, while one female nurse sat by and did nothing. There is not enough space to write the horrors of abuse done to me. I had no help from DCF nor the police. In fact, I was told because I suffered from a learning disability, that I was lying and faking the signs of abuse on my body. I had bruises and gashes, and I was told by the other abusers, who were special needs school staff, that if I told anyone that they would kill my family while I watched, and then kill me.
But I fought back. I swore to myself if I am going to die, let them find me dead with marks of me fighting these abusers. It did not stop till I was 14 years old. Now at age 27, my scars include PTSD and terminal illness. I am not only a survivor, I am a winner because I am alive and no longer locked in a cage of fear.
To my abusers, I say, “You failed to muzzle me and I will speak the truth of what you did to me. There is nothing that you can do that you haven’t already done to me. You took away my childhood, you denied me the right to breathe, you added to my gender confusion, you made me feel worthless and dirty and that my only value was being a sex toy. You killed my hope of ever having kids, and because of you, I will never cradle a child in my womb. But you never broke my spirit and you never will. Unlike you, I choose to love and forgive you because I am not a worthless hate-filled beast.”
No one on earth should be made to feel like their worth in life is only to be abused and used in any form. I believe the best justice is living without fear, not just personally, but for those who did not have the chance to escape and live to fight another day. Sadly, we cannot lean on, nor trust the people in power and the laws both on the state and federal levels. Power is what corrupts and allows for the wolves in sheep skin to hunt and go free again to do more harm. We must be advocates for ourselves and others with our stories of victory over abuse.
When you have Faith, there's Hope.
When you have Love, there's Healing.
When you have Kindness, there's Trust.
When you have Understanding, there's Peace.
— Marc Anthony, Guest Blog
