Journey to Healing

I've never publicly spoken about being sexually assaulted as a child. This is the first time I felt empowered to do so. When I was 11 years old I was sexually assaulted repeatedly for about a month or so by a friend of the family. For a long time I told myself that the assault was my fault because the people around me made me believe it was. I also didn't even look at it as sexual assault until I became older. The reason I did not think of it as sexual assault is because I did not say no. I was afraid to say no, he was much older than me and very intimidating.

After this incident I was told I was "fast and grown". There were some people in my life that told me it was my fault, somehow they made me out to be the bad guy in all of this. I felt so alone I carried around the shame of what happened to me for many years. Being sexually assaulted at such a young age made me believe all sorts of negative things about myself. I didn't feel safe after this experience. I didn't love myself, I was forever changed after this experience. I carried around what had happened to me for over 30 years without telling anyone in my family because he was a family friend. I was afraid to tell anyone in fear of a horrfic fall out or worse and I was also afraid that no one would believe me.

Today I know and most importantly I believe that it was not my fault! Therapy helped me get to this place and I am so grateful for that. I feel more empowered than I have ever felt in my life! Every day I look forward to living my life free of the shame and the pain of this experience.

— Butterfly